I played the song that keeps me safe,
that keeps me alive and well.
I treasure and adore this song,
as well as truely love.
I love the way the melody flows,
and the harmony compliments perfectly.
I am amazed at the tension it builds,
and always manages to release it.
In every verse is a new twist,
in every line beholds a new disign.
In every verse, I exist.
In every line, I declare this song mine.
I feel as if this song was written for me,
It matches perfectly to my internal melody.
It fills a hole that was discovered,
and fixes the shattered peices, just uncovered.
Did I mention this song is real?
I'm shocked if you haven't heard of it before.
I can't live a day without it,
It resembles him in ways to difficult to feel.
I love this song.
~This is about a dream I had last night~
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
An invisable dancer
The stars aren't going to dance tonight,
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
I guess you can say life isn't fair,
but in the end everything works out.
For once I'm actually being real,
And that's something to shout about.
The stars aren't going to dance tonight,
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
So for once in a long while,
I'm letting my true self shine.
I'm hanging up my acting abilities,
I don't need them to feel secure anymore.
The stars aren't going to dance tonight,
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
So here I am,
standing right before thee.
And there you are,
looking right past me.
The stars aren't going to dance tonight,
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
I guess you can say life isn't fair,
but in the end everything works out.
For once I'm actually being real,
And that's something to shout about.
The stars aren't going to dance tonight,
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
So for once in a long while,
I'm letting my true self shine.
I'm hanging up my acting abilities,
I don't need them to feel secure anymore.
The stars aren't going to dance tonight,
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
So here I am,
standing right before thee.
And there you are,
looking right past me.
The stars aren't going to dance tonight,
The moons not going to shine,
But none of that really matters now,
Because its just the end of time.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Life of releif
I know.
I haven't really been myself.
It's pretty sad,
Having myself feel like I have to be locked up,
just to fit in.
Just to be one of them.
I've been trying to be invisable for six years.
I actually succeded in some aspects.
I've had the same schedual with somebody for the past 3 years.
He learned my name today.
But It's time to let go.
I'm turning in my cloak,
and I'm being seen.
Why not be me?
What's the worst that can happen?
Besides,
It's just one more mile to summer.
Why not make the ride that much easier?
Imagine that,
One character.
One personality.
One life.
My life.
And nobody elses.
I could trade in Katie,
and Emily,
Jasmine,
Melissa,
and all the others I've been.
Better yet,
I could trade them for myself.
Ya know?
The screaming girl thats trying to escape.
But I have nothing to loose,
And my true friends will stick by me.
And it's time to say good bye to my false ones.
If they dont like the constant singing,
Piano obsessed,
Dancing maniac,
With just a bit to much bounce in her step girl,
then they are just not worth my time.
And if they don't accept how I get depressed for no reason,
and have a life I'm trying to escape,
Then they just aren't worth my time.
If they don't accept me and the Goddess,
Well they can go pin a rose on their nose,
because I'm being me now.
Who ever that is,
I'm ready to open up to her.
So three cheers and a new life.
My life.
Now that's a sigh of releif.
And for the record, 13 days and counting.
I haven't really been myself.
It's pretty sad,
Having myself feel like I have to be locked up,
just to fit in.
Just to be one of them.
I've been trying to be invisable for six years.
I actually succeded in some aspects.
I've had the same schedual with somebody for the past 3 years.
He learned my name today.
But It's time to let go.
I'm turning in my cloak,
and I'm being seen.
Why not be me?
What's the worst that can happen?
Besides,
It's just one more mile to summer.
Why not make the ride that much easier?
Imagine that,
One character.
One personality.
One life.
My life.
And nobody elses.
I could trade in Katie,
and Emily,
Jasmine,
Melissa,
and all the others I've been.
Better yet,
I could trade them for myself.
Ya know?
The screaming girl thats trying to escape.
But I have nothing to loose,
And my true friends will stick by me.
And it's time to say good bye to my false ones.
If they dont like the constant singing,
Piano obsessed,
Dancing maniac,
With just a bit to much bounce in her step girl,
then they are just not worth my time.
And if they don't accept how I get depressed for no reason,
and have a life I'm trying to escape,
Then they just aren't worth my time.
If they don't accept me and the Goddess,
Well they can go pin a rose on their nose,
because I'm being me now.
Who ever that is,
I'm ready to open up to her.
So three cheers and a new life.
My life.
Now that's a sigh of releif.
And for the record, 13 days and counting.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Do as you please. Just dont involve me
I'm not going down easy.
I'm not going down without a fight.
I'm not letting you control me,
I took back my life.
Try and ruin my life.
Be the low life you are.
Or try and proove me and your mother wrong.
Remember when you went against your mother,
And you weren't fat,
And you weren't a whore,
And you were dedicated?
Things change.
Somethings don't though.
At leaste your not fat.
When I dicided I didn't want to be your friend,
I wanted you out of my life.
You want me out of yours.
So really, just get out.
What I do in my life is my buissness.
What you do in yours, is yours.
I'm not going down easy.
I'm not going down without a fight.
I'm not letting you control me,
I took back my life.
Unlike you,
I can keep my pants on.
Unlike you,
I can keep people out of my vagina.
Unlike Miley,
I dont need a mouse trap to do so.
(You have to admit, Shane is so awesome)
And for the record,
he doesn't like me,
Just to piss you off,
Or to get back at you,
Or anything along those lines,
Or to use me,
Or to get into my pants,
(We both know for a fact he wouldn't be able to)
and that he actually likes me.
As in the real me that I could never show around you.
Shocking isn't it?
Somebody liking me?
And me not listening to you and am acutally being happy?
Hmm,
So odd.
Remind me again why I was friends with you?
You smelled good...
Weird first grader?
I think so.
Eh.
I guess somethings never change
I'm not going down without a fight.
I'm not letting you control me,
I took back my life.
Try and ruin my life.
Be the low life you are.
Or try and proove me and your mother wrong.
Remember when you went against your mother,
And you weren't fat,
And you weren't a whore,
And you were dedicated?
Things change.
Somethings don't though.
At leaste your not fat.
When I dicided I didn't want to be your friend,
I wanted you out of my life.
You want me out of yours.
So really, just get out.
What I do in my life is my buissness.
What you do in yours, is yours.
I'm not going down easy.
I'm not going down without a fight.
I'm not letting you control me,
I took back my life.
Unlike you,
I can keep my pants on.
Unlike you,
I can keep people out of my vagina.
Unlike Miley,
I dont need a mouse trap to do so.
(You have to admit, Shane is so awesome)
And for the record,
he doesn't like me,
Just to piss you off,
Or to get back at you,
Or anything along those lines,
Or to use me,
Or to get into my pants,
(We both know for a fact he wouldn't be able to)
and that he actually likes me.
As in the real me that I could never show around you.
Shocking isn't it?
Somebody liking me?
And me not listening to you and am acutally being happy?
Hmm,
So odd.
Remind me again why I was friends with you?
You smelled good...
Weird first grader?
I think so.
Eh.
I guess somethings never change
Mirror girl
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
My cousins holding me up,
and smiling back at me.
A tiny girl so sweet and small,
oblivious to her surroundings.
Oh look at her tiny body,
Oh so precious and strong.
She will be so great one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A little girl fearing the tub,
wishing it was a deep blue sea.
A little girl so whiny and fretfull,
afraid of what might happen when shes unavaliable.
Even a simple bath,
would send her bawling.
She will conquer her fears one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
An akward girl staring back at me.
She doesn't have a lot of friends,
and the ones she did have are against her now.
Just seven years old and confused and hurt,
who doesn't know what just happend.
She lost the only people who cared,
and now hears something about court charges.
She doesn't know what just happend,
But she can't help but wonder
Why her and not me?
She will find answers one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A brand new pimple staring back at me.
I guess she can't have everything,
yet she wishes the screaming would stop.
An ambitous girl worn down and crying,
She tries to stay strong because crying is frowned apon.
She doesn't want to add to the flame,
So their she stares,
right back at the new found blemish.
She will make herself strong one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A disgusted girl staring back at me.
She doesn't look like the other girls,
and wants so bad to just fit in.
A twelve year old girl none the less,
Just living in a body of mess.
She wants so bad to just be pretty,
She wants so bad to just have somebody.
She'll make peace one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
An anerexic body staring back at me.
No matter how thin she is,
She will always be that twelve year old.
Just thirteen years old,
With 132 cuts running her hands,
and no blood to show.
She looks skinny for once,
but the voices will never see.
One day, she will prove them wrong.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A pair of hazel eyes staring back at me.
They glisten with contacts,
and a fresh coat of mascara.
Her hair is straight,
She finally found her place.
A not so small girl any more,
and she still smiles,
even through the lack of teethe.
And she still fears the simplest things.
She still questions,
and still has acne.
She still gets disgusted,
and still has 132 cuts on her fingers,
with some additional ones.
The diffrence now, is shes older.
She can handle life now.
She knows how to take the world in strides,
and move along the current.
Things change,
Even if it doesn't seem like it,
It's for the better.
What do I see?
My cousins holding me up,
and smiling back at me.
A tiny girl so sweet and small,
oblivious to her surroundings.
Oh look at her tiny body,
Oh so precious and strong.
She will be so great one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A little girl fearing the tub,
wishing it was a deep blue sea.
A little girl so whiny and fretfull,
afraid of what might happen when shes unavaliable.
Even a simple bath,
would send her bawling.
She will conquer her fears one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
An akward girl staring back at me.
She doesn't have a lot of friends,
and the ones she did have are against her now.
Just seven years old and confused and hurt,
who doesn't know what just happend.
She lost the only people who cared,
and now hears something about court charges.
She doesn't know what just happend,
But she can't help but wonder
Why her and not me?
She will find answers one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A brand new pimple staring back at me.
I guess she can't have everything,
yet she wishes the screaming would stop.
An ambitous girl worn down and crying,
She tries to stay strong because crying is frowned apon.
She doesn't want to add to the flame,
So their she stares,
right back at the new found blemish.
She will make herself strong one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A disgusted girl staring back at me.
She doesn't look like the other girls,
and wants so bad to just fit in.
A twelve year old girl none the less,
Just living in a body of mess.
She wants so bad to just be pretty,
She wants so bad to just have somebody.
She'll make peace one day.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
An anerexic body staring back at me.
No matter how thin she is,
She will always be that twelve year old.
Just thirteen years old,
With 132 cuts running her hands,
and no blood to show.
She looks skinny for once,
but the voices will never see.
One day, she will prove them wrong.
I look in the mirror,
What do I see?
A pair of hazel eyes staring back at me.
They glisten with contacts,
and a fresh coat of mascara.
Her hair is straight,
She finally found her place.
A not so small girl any more,
and she still smiles,
even through the lack of teethe.
And she still fears the simplest things.
She still questions,
and still has acne.
She still gets disgusted,
and still has 132 cuts on her fingers,
with some additional ones.
The diffrence now, is shes older.
She can handle life now.
She knows how to take the world in strides,
and move along the current.
Things change,
Even if it doesn't seem like it,
It's for the better.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Lies or Truth.
Will you stick with me through this?
Even though I'm bound to lie.
Will you still love me,
Even though I'll surly fall.
I know,
I realize,
And yet I do.
I'm sorry,
Will you still love me?
Even though I'm bound to hurt you.
I know,
I realize,
And yet I so.
Sorry it has to be this way,
but just don't know what to do.
You tell me,
Would you like me to lie,
But save you the pain?
Or tell you the truth,
And let you be in vain?
I'm just not sure what to do,
Vocally that is.
I don't want to loose you.
Will you stick with me through the night?
I can't make it on my own.
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Without you I'll surely go.
So you tell me,
Pain, misery dispair, honesty
Or
What ever emotions you have now, Lies.
You dicide.
I just wish you could have my honesty while being happy.
But that can't happen,
Not this time.
So you tell me.
Even though I'm bound to lie.
Will you still love me,
Even though I'll surly fall.
I know,
I realize,
And yet I do.
I'm sorry,
Will you still love me?
Even though I'm bound to hurt you.
I know,
I realize,
And yet I so.
Sorry it has to be this way,
but just don't know what to do.
You tell me,
Would you like me to lie,
But save you the pain?
Or tell you the truth,
And let you be in vain?
I'm just not sure what to do,
Vocally that is.
I don't want to loose you.
Will you stick with me through the night?
I can't make it on my own.
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Without you I'll surely go.
So you tell me,
Pain, misery dispair, honesty
Or
What ever emotions you have now, Lies.
You dicide.
I just wish you could have my honesty while being happy.
But that can't happen,
Not this time.
So you tell me.
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