an act of recovery

I know I haven't been acting like me, (me)
I know I haven't been the same, (you)
But what you need to know is, (me)
That I'm healthier then ever before, (harmonized)

So hold on tight with me, (you)
We can raise up
from this pit of misery,
because I haven't let go yet. (me)
And neither will you
~Drums~

I'm not giving up easy (you)
I'm not going down
I'm rising above the hate
and endless laughter,

I'm taking advice I should of, (me)
And we're going on our way
And I know You are here to stay

And we will Be strong (both, harmonized)
And we will Carry on
And we know we'll be wrong
And we know we'll make it through the haze
With you, (you)
With me (Together, harmonized)

(needs work)
Oh, Do you see that shooting star, (you)
Oh, 11:11 on the dot (me)
Oh, All my wishes have come true, (you)
Because of you, (harmonized)

(me-melody, you-moving ooo's)
And I will Be strong
And I will Carry on
And I know I'll be wrong
And I know I'll make it through the haze
With you,(me)
With me (you)

One more day, (me)
One more hour,
One more second, (you)
One more everything.
But me and you will make it, (harmonized)
Because we have no choice, (you)
Because we want to. (me)

So lets get the fire going, (harmonized)
Lets start the {celebration}(harm), (you-mel. me echo)
And don't worry girl, (you)
Our hunt will be a sucsess.(me)

So come on, (you)
Lets get better,
So come on, (me)
Lets Start!!! (harm)

And I will Be strong (you)
And I will Carry on
And I know I'll be wrong
And I know I'll make it through the haze
With you, (you)
With me (me)


Who knows who we will meet, (you)
Who knows what fantasys we will create, (me)
Oh girl, (you)
Look their,
Our dreams, (me)
Have come true (harm)
Our single life, (you)
Has ended (harm)

And we will Be strong (harm)
And we will Carry on
And we know we'll be wrong
And we know we'll make it through the haze
With us,(me)
With them (you)

(me, melody, you, oo)
And I will Be strong
And I will Carry on
And I know I'll be wrong
And I know I'll make it through the haze
Because I know I'm yours
Because I know I'm so much better
With you
Oh girl, can't you see?
Because of you,
We have made it, (harm)

(You, mel. Me- moving)

And I will Be strong
And I will Carry on
And I know I'll be wrong
And I know I'll make it through the haze
(We'll talk...)
And I wont slip away,
And I will learn to love,
Because I know a celebration's in store,
And I will cherish the time we have
You have made it possible to feel again,
Because of you,
I thank you! (harm)

So lets hear it out, (me)
And let me Thank you (you)
for helping me on my way, (me)
and let us say (you)(rit.)
Screw you misery, (harmonized together)
byebye (unison together)

(Ending needs help from you)

~The stuff in ( ) is just for my friend who will be performing this song with me

This is how I do

This is for procrastinating.
This is for not writing papers.
This is for not doing your homework.
This is for realizing how screwed you are.
This is for all the stress in life.
This is for the oh shit moments we all have.
This is for the Fuck you alarm clock. I just went to sleep 5 min ago days.
This is for the long list of everything.
This is for when you get pissed at everyone and everything.
This is for when you get the job done.
This is for trying to sleep.
This is for attemping to focas.

What I have to do tonight:
Write Chorale Concert Reveiw.
Write Wind Symphony Concert Reveiw.
Write English Paper.
Do Bio homework
Think of Topic for Chorale 5-7 page paper on any musical topic.
|_ I'm thinking something along the lines of the study of how music, like actual sheet music is developed and read. And how Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do go incorperated.
Take cough medz.

I would like to be in bed by 2am.
That gives me 6 hours.

What I can do to cut corners:
Write one massive paper for both Chorale and WS.
BS way through English

I plan on being in bed by midnight.
Lets do it!

Creeping Angel

Let me be your miracle,
Let me be the one who saves you.
Let me be your angel.
Let me be your friend.

I want to help you.
I want to know your problums.
I want to be the one you can't wait to talk to.
I want to be the girl you tell, "Good night I love you,"

But for now,
I'll be the girl waiting for you.
I'll be the girl living off false hope, and loving it.
I'll be the girl wishing apon shooting stars.
I'll be the girl striving for your heart.
I'll be that girl, if you be my guy.

And even if all this is a waste,
And even if you never open your eyes to me,
And even if you let her get the better of you,
And even if this is just a big mistake,
I'm willing to take my chances,
because nobody,
man or women,
Could ever change the way I feel.

My passion burns sronger then ever before,
My internal flame can not be stopped,
I can only hope to light you on fire now,
and heal the burns I make.

I'm sorry I'm not the girl you've been dreaming of,
But I'm not sorry I'm not her.
All I can be is me,
Even though I don't know who that is.
But that doesn't matter,
because I know how I feel.
I hope you do too.

But as I said before,
It doesnt matter,
because you're just the man I've been looking for.

~This is not a serious poem. I was trying to sound like a creeper~

I wont back down

I was saved for 28 days.
I took 28 steps to a recovery.
I made it through hell for 28 days.
I was safe from my life.
I hid from myself.
I was safe though.

But come Febuary 13th,
I turned around and took 28 steps.
In front of 7 people,
and nobody cared enough to see.
He didn't know,
she was to concerened about not eating,
He was just all wrapped up with her.
Don't get me started on him.
She still doesn't know,
She was next to him.
He doesn't realize it.

So their I went,
Back at page one.
I fainted that night too.
But nobody ever notices me
And thats okay,
because when they do
I'm the light of their day.
In most cases that is.

So here I am,
3 days of saving myself.
But I've made it through hell,
I haven't done it for her.
And tommorow I will take one more step,
just one more step on this staircase.
One step becomes 2 steps,
2 steps become a mile.
One more mile to Jerico as the song says.
One more mile to Summer.
One more mile.
With a couple pit stops on the way of course :)

One thing is for certian though,
I won't back down.
I won't be controlled by this road anymore,
and I wont let a rock stand in my way.
I'm moving my mountain.
I have a new group to help me too.

All I need to say

Think to when you first hugged me when I was sad.
You new exactly what I needed when I was being bad.
You actually cared when the rest looked at the sky
You let me live, instead of being denied.
I felt like I was flying, right over the clouds
I felt like crying, so I held on tighter.
But I hope you realize just how much that ment,
even if you were just being kind.
I never thought that would spark what I feel today.
Please don't go away

This is all I've been wanting to say,
I would hope you feel this too.
But even if you don't,
I'll be just fine.
You helped me on my way.
Thank you.

Just another one about her.

"It's okay"
"Everything will be alright"
"You are safe"
"I care about you"
"You mean so much to me it's not even right"
"I am fine"
"Everything is okay"

I have been told these lies.
I have told these lies.
You have said them,
distributed them like candy on Samhain,
And I beleived you.

How did I not know I mean nothing to you?
I never did.
Yet you led me to beleive that you cared about my existance,
just like you lead him to beleive you like him.

I'm sick of being lied to.
I'm sick of being controlled.
I should listen to my Grandma,
because this is getting old.

I shouldn't stick around any longer,
because all you bring is blood and tears,
But yet here I am,
and there you are.

I've been dreaming a storm,
With lightning and thunder,
I've been wishing apon shooting stars,
To be let down once more

You don't know how much it hurts to see you go,
but like that stupid song,
I love to watch you leave



~I give up trying to focas back into this~

Im a hipocrite

You call me the hipocrite.
But lets see if your telling the truth,
or am just bullshitting to make yourself look good.

You call me the hipocrite because I told him I love him,
and broke his heart.
But I had a reason to.
You called me a whore, and a skank, a slut.
you gave me hell every day for dating him.
To get you off my back we broke up.
Then you asked me if you could sleep with him.
I'm the hipocrite?

You told me everyday I was a cradel robber.
You were against it,
saying stuff along the lines of "How could you vbe dating a younger guy like that"
He was four months younger.
Really.
But then you go and am all over a younger guy.
But I'm the hipocrite.

You call me a hipocrite because I don't call.
But if you think about it,
We saw eachother at leaste 5 hours a day for the past four months.
When I did ask to hang out,
I got to sit their watching you talk to the guy I still liked.
I didn't want to deal with that.
And you never contacted me,
But I'm the hipocrite.

You call me the hipocrite,
but at leaste I can keep a secret.
You've always said how you would never tell one of my secrets.
Yet you screamed in the hall a secret, in which you pinkie promised on.
You told Zach about my eating dissorders.
Did you really think I wanted him to know?
I trusted you.
But I'm the hipocrite

You call me a hipocrite for changing,
But so did you,
no matter how much you dont want to beleive it.
Even Kevin noticed
But I'm the hipocrite.

So now you see why I don't tell you my secrets,
who I like,
what I'm thinking about,
anything really.

And of course you had to steal the one thing that made me special.
My hair.
I was fine with all the other colors, and cuts,
but my color made me special,
the only thing that made me stand out a little bit.
And you took that from me.
Why?
You say that you were trying to get your natural color back,
But Red is not dirty blond
Besides, you don't like your natural color,
because if you did,
you wouldn't have dyed it.

So here we are,
I'm a random girl,
nothing special,
anything that made me stand out is gone,
and their you are,
being a slut,
calling me a hipocrite.
having red hair, and blue eyes,
having huge tits in which you wont shut up about.

I made you beleive I was healthy.
I never stopped.
Sorry I gave you false comfort.
More then anything,
false hope.

Sorry I wasn't all I needed to be,
Expecially for your standards.
But that doesn't matter anymore.
I have friends that love me the way I am
That love who I am
What I do,
and are helping me.

I smiled,
I laughed.
I know my happiness causes pain to you.
But I don't care.
I love feeling happy.

If you don't like it,
then deal with it.
You will see these screwed up teethe even more.
You will see the bleeding slow,
and the tears become desert.

My heart can soar now.
My mind can rest.
You would never beleive what I was thinking this morning.
I started saying how good I looked in my jeans.
It wasn't in a conseided way,
It wasn't forced either.
It just came.

It wasn't fallowed by the voice,
in which we both know to well.
BUt I have higher self esteem.
And that's no thanks to you.

I have nothing to say to you,
nothing to prove.
So I'm happy for the time being,
Suck it if you don't like it.

But thank you for all my true friends,
Who keep my secrets,
and don't scream them to the world.
Who don't start rumors about me.
and who love to see me smile.
You got me to a healthier level.
17 days and counting.
Surprisingly,
I'm okay with that.

Intenchions gone wrong

~This one actually is about you~

What was running through my mind?
Was anything at all?
Why did I put up as long as I did?
I'm begining to remember why.

I think it's because I thought I could help.
That I could some how help your tears,
That I had this false hope,
that one day you would be healthy.

Your smile is so rare,
But when it was true,
It shined with the moon.
Why did I put up as long as I did?

Mabey it was because I longed to see your smile?
Mabey because I wanted to be apart of your world.
Mabey because I wanted in on the jokes, and fun

I'm thinking back,
to the first time at your new house.
(note how I say house, not home)
We met in Nelson Ridge.
We hugged, and then swung,
went on the bridge,
everything was nice.
We went in, and before I new it,
you screamed Fuck and Sex on the top of your lungs.
You explained teen sanctuary to me.
You don't know how good that sounded.

We went on your trampoline.
I didn't know how to get on.
Do you remember that?
Before Penelopy?
I would take 15 minutes to get on.
and then didn't know how to jump.
Then we felt so free.
At leaste I did.
I think you did too.
We couldnt wait to get into your pool.
And then the sun set,
and my brothers car pulled up.
Getting off the trampoline.
Do you remember that?
I got shocked so bad.
Remember my hair?
Bright Red and curly,
My face covered in acne?
I really did change.

Back then was great.

Or the day you got Lolly.
Or my first time playing guitar hero with you and Andi.
Or how about my first kiss,
Oh god Eric!!!

We had a lot of good memories.
I know we can't go back.
But that doesn't mean we have to be this distant.

I originally was going to write this to be bitchy.
But I don't think I will.

I've used up all my chances,
I know.
And I know I should just let go.
I've tried.
Beleive me.
But I can't.
I know I can't speak for you,
but thinking back,
just reminded me of what our friendship is/was built on.
Trust? Fun? Having a good time?
I dunno.

But I'm out of chances.
But would do anything just to have one.
One chance.
TO be stupid and fun.
To be crazy
To stay up all night talking.
To have fun.
To go to CVS in capes.
To oogle over the hott guy down your streete.
To help you,
To get helped.

Do you want this to end?
Most likely.
Your sick of me.
At leaste I think.

But like I said,
I'm out of chances.
But let me just say,
that I am truely sorry.
I should have called more.
But it's to late now.
I should have been more supportive,
But I can't go back now.
I am truely sorry for changing the way I did.
and let me say,
Your house is still the funnest.

I'm sorry.
I truely am.
And now I will call you,
and hope that you listen to me,
as I say how sorry I really am.

I look at this list over and over again,
wishing someone I could trust would pop up
I need to talk to somebody
I need to be saved from my self
has been 16 days.
I'm not about to ruin that
No matter what the cost.

I need to be saved from myself
Can somebody come save me?
Can somebody talk to me?
I wish I could call some one to have them help,
but anyone I would,
has left me

I'm debating on calling her,
because I know if she called me right now,
and was acting like me,
I would still help her.
I wouldn't turn my back

I know it's not the same as before
But she did it with her old friend
at that football game last year.
So mabey that offer applys to me?

No it doesn't.
She can't deal with me.
Rather she doesn't care enough
would somebody please just get on

I don't have Kizzie or Andis or Grants number,
Why cant they just get online?
I stare at hte lists one more time.
Jen is on.
Should I bother her?
No. She would laugh at me
No she wouldn't.
But she sure as hell doesn't care.
Why does everybody have be off line.

Should I bother calling her?
She would love to hear me like this.
It would bring a smile to her face.

Besides, what am I having this freak out over?
Their isn't any boy problum,
Their isn't any family problum
Stress?
Mabey...
Stress is the highest possibiliy.
Drama?
I'm staying out of it.
Any friend issues?
Just me and her.
And that isn't causing any big break downs or depression...

What is causing this other than stress?
Its only 2-7-10
hmm...
That number has some form of sentimental thing
I can't remember what was important about today.
Its something though..

It's no use, I can't think of it.
YES I CAN
Oh jeez...
This was the day with the thing back in England,
Where She got locked up with the baby,
Because of Peter...
I think
That sounds right.
Doesn't it?
Yea.
Mabey she knows.
Because that would explain a lot.

Oh well,
mabey if she reads this, she can tell me.
It sounds like shes having a bad day...
But that could mean anything

Lie

Thanks for proving me wrong.
You definitally would notice if I died right now.
You definitally would notice if something was wrong.
You definitally care about me.

How could I be so stupid to fall for your lies once again.
You blame me for everything wrong,
and make yourself seem like you don't do anything wrong.

News flash.
Look at me for once
See the scars that were brought on by you.
I can't handle the pain you bring me everyday.
I can't be the one you bitch at everyday.
You have her for that.

Sorry I have other friends
Sorry I'm not perfect.
Sorry I'm not going to get bitched at
Sorry I smiled.

I don't give a fuck on what you claim I do.
I just don't give a fuck.
I'm listening to the advice I have been getting.
You loose.
Sorry to break it to you,
But you can't always win.

Thanks for being their for me,
I really could have used your help.
But like you said,
you can't deal with me,
so why the fuck are you still here.

I know I'm not perfect,
Neither are you.
Your driving us all insane
Your wearing me down
I'm sorry but it has to be this way

~Just a warning to any of my friends reading this, it isn't about you at all~

two in one

Your my number one,
I'm your last resort.
Your my only hope,
I'm your worst nightmare.
You keep me alive and safe
You want dead and bleeding.

I'm not here dreaming,
I'm not wishing for you.
I'm here simply to spite you.
I'm here to prove you wrong
When you see me,
I want you to see how strong I am
You will never take over me
I have a passion so strong
You will never break me down
No matter what you do
You will always fail
I'm happy and strong
So get over yourself
and fuck off bitch,
This is my life now

I dont want to miss my life
Expecially to be miserable for you
I can deal with shit,
but you can just fuck off bitch
this is my life now

I know you've been through hell lately,
But I dont give a shit
I really dont,
You dont care about me,
You dont love me
You just cvause pain and misery
Im better off with out you bastard
I dont need you like I once did.
So fuck off bitch,
this is my life now.

Why am I still alive
Why am I still awake
I cant defeat you
I cant win this everlasting battle
Let the white flags sway,
as I slip into this life,
I have tried time and time again to escape.
Let the rivers flow red,
Let the avalanche come
Let my world fall all around me.
You win.
I can't lie to you,
I can't lie to myself.
I'm not okay,
I need help.
Again I'm asking,
begging and pleading for support.
I can not find any in my closest friends.
For I know my secrets mean nothing to you.
Thanks for being their for me.
Thanks for being a true friend.
Sorry I let you down,
But let the rivers flow red,
let the avalanche fall,
Let my world rise above me.
I can't hold onto the edge forever.
Let me up,
Let me sink.
But it's pointless to keep holding on.