Hehe, I made a funny

Tell myself I don't miss you,
But I lie through hazle walls,
I should have let you through
Oh well it's to late now

Why don't you,
care about me.
Why don't you
ever talk to me

I know I'm not as pretty
I'll never be good enough for anybody
I know one day,
Somebody will be crazy
just one day of being loved
would be so amazing,

Forgetting how life feels
Fogetting simple features
Forgetting everything about you

My eyes,
they can be beautiful
My eyes,
can see just fine,
My eyes,
act as walls towards you

We all see,
What we want to
We all see
The unexpected
I know
Oh I know

I know what you did,
I can see right through you
Your stupid lies
have better not hurt her

COnsiqences will be applied to you
It's what you get for playing with her heart

I'm nott joking,
I'm not going o let you get away
with what you've done
Your not getting off easy
Don't think you are
I wont stand for it,

You dont realize,
how much tears she shed
for your stupid heartbreaks
your stupid lies,
you and your stupid face,
you filthy disgrace
Your badly misplaced.

???
Don't ask...
???

I love you
you love me
I should climb up that tree,
because you will hurt me
you will break me,
and this anaminit object
willalways be their
when yo
u break me down
when my life turns around
you wont be their
I know you wont

So just live it
Just live your life your all
you can
I can see it coming

You don't care about me.
You never did
I know,

I shouldn't be selfish,
I get so much,
but I can't help wanting
the only thing money can't buy.

lalalala.....
happy time
happy day
I will get my revenge today
I wil fix broken heart
that you shatterd apart

I will get yoy back,
me an my teddy bear
you have cuased to much pain
and dispair

you shouldnt have messed with us
Us girls we stand together
your going down
you made her cry
and tonight you will see


Butterflies
and gummy bears
and gooy oey chocklate chips
I llove the holidays
I love them oh so much
Ilove the holidays
Happy
Merry
Blessed
YULETIDE
~~~I know, this doesn't make any sence
This is just multiple chorus's
Just letting you know. :D

You see it, Now you dont

If I died right now,
Would you notice?
Or would you turn a blind eye?
Usually I'm fine with you.
Like the last few times.
Doubt me if you must.
Don't judge me,
Or forgett me for that matter.
And I realize
Nothing has been going right
Your always sad,
The thhought of you being happy
Helps me through the endless days.
I just don't want to be forgotten.
No, I honestly don't think I'm overreacting
Getting over my past.

My turn?

It's times like these,
when I wonder if
I disapeared off the face of the earth,
Would you notice?

"When ever a girl gets a boyfriend,
she becomes a dead head to the surrounding world"

Finally,
Something that makes sence.

Dearest action.

Do you realize I don't want to know?
But insist on knowing for the pain?

Do you realize everytime you tell me,
I get a little more depressed.
But when you don't tell me,
I die a little?

Sometimes we know the answers.
We just don't know how to act upon the knoledge.

Tourture myself alive

I'm fine,
Really,
go have fun.
I'll be here,
Tell me all about.


You have heard these words before.
The only diffrence,
When I say them,
I die a little inside.


I dont want to crash your mood.
Your finally happy,
I can tell you about my crap any day.

If you really wanted to know though,
you know you can just come on here,
and if it's not published here,
then you know you can get it out of me.
But I don't want to ruin your fun.

Besides,
Guys come and go,
so hold on tight while they're still here.
I'll be here forever,
I'm your back up plan,
when he can't come around.
I'm fine with that,
just don't forgett about me.

Friends before Boyfriends.
I know.
You don't have to remind me.
Easyer said than done.
That stupid phrase,
applies in so much.
It should go die.

We all make mistakes,
Say things we don't mean,
Are a bit to forgiving,
But that's all okay.
If we didn't do stupid stuff,
Nobody would listen to us.

Everythng is never as it seems

Mom,
You always told me,
You would be their for me.
You told me,
I could talk to you about anything.
You would always help me,
and you would always love me.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this,
I know I'm not the easiest person to be around,
But you said you would always be their for me.

Times have changed,
I'm not allowed to talk to you.
You're not going to be their for me,
You haven't helped me,
Nor ever will.

Mom,
You don't know what is going on with me.
I try to tell you,
but you turn a blind eye.

I have been working on telling you my problums,
for in past years,
I was silent.
Now you refuse me.

Thanks mom.

'Tis the season to be Jolly
apparently my eyes didn't get the memo.

November 15th 2009

~The fallowing work is a conversation with a distant friend, in which I haven't talked to in a few years. What you will read, is her end of the conversation. I wrote this after a panic attack, so it may appear hectic at times, for I minimize editing what I say in poetry. Jade ~

I don't even know you anymore.
You have changed so much.
Since when are you so tall?
Puberty,
When'd that happen?
You're not fat anymore?
Anerexia?
That's not like you.

Your hair?
It was purple?
You used to against changing your hair at all.
It's so straight now.
That's not the girl I know.

Your nails?
They're painted purple.
Just like always.
But your fingers?
Why are they scarred?
Oh.
Um,
Why?
Oh.
That's not the girl I know.

Why are you shaking?
You're numb?
Do you need a blanket?
I have one...
oh.

I see you have contacts.
Why no more glasses?
Oh.
Your teeth are still,
so your still,
oh.
Well your acne is really clearing.
But their only kids,
they couldn't,
oh.

You're so pretty though.
I'm not lying.
Stop putting yourself down.

I get it.
Yes I do.
Just listen!
Stop Shaking!
Here,
have a blanket.
Why are you shaking?
Breethe!
Come on girly!
You can talk to me.
Why are you,

Stop Screaming!
You're not the girl I know,
with the tweety bird overalls.
"Stop acting like some poor,
misunderstood child.
You're not.
So you've had a hard life.
But seriously,
get over yourself.
Like really,
Stop pittying yourself."
That's all you want,
but really,
find something to be depressed about.

You're not the girl I know.
I get that,
But seriously we all have problums.
So get a F*cking life.

Wait,
You're not Christian?
That's why your so screwed up.


~I quoted a friend in this peice of work.
When I originally wrote it November 15th, this quote did not apply.
But it is how ever a quote that haunts me everyday,
and it is used appropriatly in this peice,
and I found it necissary to include it,
for all the pain it has brought.

And yes, I was anerexic, note the word was, I get easily scarred by the simplest things, and am not Christain. Any further clarifications that need to be made clear to you, leave a comment, and I will do my best to respond.

Thanks for reading
~Jade

Quiet the mind. Ease the soul.

Just for the record,
I don't look for pitty.
I never have,
I never will.

Please don't assume,
That I'm a selfish bitch,
I'm really not.

I'm not a misunderstood child,
I try not to appear that way.
I really try not to.

Some good things do happen in my life.
Until I ruin them,
But thats okay.
At leaste I get some happy time.

Although it doesn't come easy.

Please realize,
I'm not just a stick in the mud,
I can have fun,
I can be happy,
Or I can make myself happy.

Please,
Don't judge me,
Don't stereotype me.

I'm not the easiest person to love,
I know that.

I'm insane,
I have frequent crying fits,
Depression,
and many other health issues,

But please realize,
I can be loved.
You just have to work pretty hard.
And mabey I'm worth it,
No,
I'm not.

But you can dicide that on your own.

I'm diffrent.
And yes,
I still find comfort in a teddy bear.

I hate this part

I hate this part,
The night is to dark,
To cold,
To late to leave.

I'm stranded,
miserable, and in pain.

I need to get out of this house,
But I have no where to go,
No one to turn to.

Nobody likes a crying girl,
Expecially when the pain,
that leaves her crying and miserable,
is self inflicted.

No,
She is not bleeding.
She is not physically harmed.
Physical pain does not stay.
Emotional doees not leave.

Just another heart break,
She will get over it,
She always does.

No.
This isn't like other times,
Other times,
it didn't hurt as bad.

She wasn't prepared for this,
This strong of pain.

But your gone now.
She couldn't go back,
even if She wanted to.

Why can't people be more like Teddy Bears?

Teddy Bears,
They may not be real,
But they all you have.
They dry your tears,
When no one else will.
They comfort you,
when the world crashes.

You can squeze them,
Throw them,
punch them,
and they always are their,
no matter what day,
time, or place.

You can take them anywhere,
they never complain.
You can get as many hugs as needed.

Heartbreaks,
Deaths,
Sickness,
Drama,
No matter what,
Teddy Bears are always their.

When your best friend leaves you,
flooding and weeping,
Your always there.

Thank you oh Teddy Bear.
At leaste you won't leave me.

Compromising friends.

You have heard promising words,
time and time again.
I would promise you,
That I will always be here if you need,
That I'm going to be here,
No matter the degree of hate.
But my chances of being beleived are slim,
In comprimise,
I will thank you.

You have been their for me,
You have always been with me.
You have caused so much pain,
But mended the deapest wounds.
With this I thank you.

We have been through so much,
You have helped me,
in ways that nobody,
even I, can't understand.
With this I thank you.

You my friend,
have always been their for me,
From helping me find my way back in First Grade,
To helping me find my way in High school,
You have been their for me,
With this, I thank you.

All of those heartbreaks,
Sleepless nights,
Feeling worthless,
Or nothing at all.
Overcoming life threatening situations.
You were there for me.
With this, I thank you.

I hope I have been as good of friend,
That you have been for me.
Just realize, we all make mistakes.
Some bigger than others,
but mistakes none the less.
Don't worry so much,
With this I thank you.

No matter what,
We can't change what was.
But we can change what will be.
You have taught me this.
With this, I thank you.


Stand out,
Sing out,
Pay out,
Be out.
For if I don't, nobody else will.
With this I thank you.

A bond between two friends,
Is strong.
No matter if they are seperated.
Let's keep our bond strong,
for their are many memories to come.

Ranting and calling

I'll Sacrifice.
I have nothing,
to gain, to lose.
I'll Sacrifice,
I have nothing,
To look forward to.
I'll sacrifce,
Why not?
I have nothing.

I'm alive,
just not living.
You may argue.
You may dissagree.
I know myself better than you.

You may think you know what is best,
I'm a big girl now,
I'm going to go my own way.

You make excusses,
It's your friends,
It's your religion,
It's your activities,
It's never you.

Time for a wake up call,

Your not perfect,
Your not Gods gift to the world.
Hate to burst your bubble,
God doesn't exist.

You make us all miserable.
Leave me alone sometimes.
You lecture me everyday,
on what I do wrong,
and then you praise me.

Leave me alone.
Thats what would help the most.
I just want to be left alone.

When I tell you I don't want to come home,
I have my reasons.
Very rarely is it because I'm having fun.
Sometimes, a night out of the house,
is all I need to get through the day.

When I go for walks,
hours at a time,
and then scarf down food when I get home.
It isn't because I'm hungry,
It's because I'm still over coming anerexia.

I know you dont care,
You say you do.
I'm not as stupid as you think I am.
You're not a good liar.

When I go unconcious,
You aren't their for me.
You haven't taken me to a docter yet.
It has been 17 months.
You said if it happend one more time,
I would go to the hospital.
17 months later,
here I am.

You blame my friends for everything,
I make my own problums.
I know its hard for you.
It must be so hard not having a perfect daughter.
I don't care.
I'm not going to be perfect.
Nor will I ever come close.

Their is so much about me you don't know.
You won't ever know.
I'm not perfect.
You don't want to know my flaws.
If only you saw me,
the way I am.

I would probably get kicked out.
I dont care anymore.
I honestly dont.
Just like you,
I've given up.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'll be okay though.
I can get back on my feet.
You on the other hand,
lay on the couch with them in the air.

And I'm the failure in life?
Really?

Just for the record,
I'm not fat.
I'm a stick.
If you ever have the nerve to call me fat again,
you will get a big wake up call.