Hehe, I made a funny

Tell myself I don't miss you,
But I lie through hazle walls,
I should have let you through
Oh well it's to late now

Why don't you,
care about me.
Why don't you
ever talk to me

I know I'm not as pretty
I'll never be good enough for anybody
I know one day,
Somebody will be crazy
just one day of being loved
would be so amazing,

Forgetting how life feels
Fogetting simple features
Forgetting everything about you

My eyes,
they can be beautiful
My eyes,
can see just fine,
My eyes,
act as walls towards you

We all see,
What we want to
We all see
The unexpected
I know
Oh I know

I know what you did,
I can see right through you
Your stupid lies
have better not hurt her

COnsiqences will be applied to you
It's what you get for playing with her heart

I'm nott joking,
I'm not going o let you get away
with what you've done
Your not getting off easy
Don't think you are
I wont stand for it,

You dont realize,
how much tears she shed
for your stupid heartbreaks
your stupid lies,
you and your stupid face,
you filthy disgrace
Your badly misplaced.

???
Don't ask...
???

I love you
you love me
I should climb up that tree,
because you will hurt me
you will break me,
and this anaminit object
willalways be their
when yo
u break me down
when my life turns around
you wont be their
I know you wont

So just live it
Just live your life your all
you can
I can see it coming

You don't care about me.
You never did
I know,

I shouldn't be selfish,
I get so much,
but I can't help wanting
the only thing money can't buy.

lalalala.....
happy time
happy day
I will get my revenge today
I wil fix broken heart
that you shatterd apart

I will get yoy back,
me an my teddy bear
you have cuased to much pain
and dispair

you shouldnt have messed with us
Us girls we stand together
your going down
you made her cry
and tonight you will see


Butterflies
and gummy bears
and gooy oey chocklate chips
I llove the holidays
I love them oh so much
Ilove the holidays
Happy
Merry
Blessed
YULETIDE
~~~I know, this doesn't make any sence
This is just multiple chorus's
Just letting you know. :D

You see it, Now you dont

If I died right now,
Would you notice?
Or would you turn a blind eye?
Usually I'm fine with you.
Like the last few times.
Doubt me if you must.
Don't judge me,
Or forgett me for that matter.
And I realize
Nothing has been going right
Your always sad,
The thhought of you being happy
Helps me through the endless days.
I just don't want to be forgotten.
No, I honestly don't think I'm overreacting
Getting over my past.

My turn?

It's times like these,
when I wonder if
I disapeared off the face of the earth,
Would you notice?

"When ever a girl gets a boyfriend,
she becomes a dead head to the surrounding world"

Finally,
Something that makes sence.

Dearest action.

Do you realize I don't want to know?
But insist on knowing for the pain?

Do you realize everytime you tell me,
I get a little more depressed.
But when you don't tell me,
I die a little?

Sometimes we know the answers.
We just don't know how to act upon the knoledge.

Tourture myself alive

I'm fine,
Really,
go have fun.
I'll be here,
Tell me all about.


You have heard these words before.
The only diffrence,
When I say them,
I die a little inside.


I dont want to crash your mood.
Your finally happy,
I can tell you about my crap any day.

If you really wanted to know though,
you know you can just come on here,
and if it's not published here,
then you know you can get it out of me.
But I don't want to ruin your fun.

Besides,
Guys come and go,
so hold on tight while they're still here.
I'll be here forever,
I'm your back up plan,
when he can't come around.
I'm fine with that,
just don't forgett about me.

Friends before Boyfriends.
I know.
You don't have to remind me.
Easyer said than done.
That stupid phrase,
applies in so much.
It should go die.

We all make mistakes,
Say things we don't mean,
Are a bit to forgiving,
But that's all okay.
If we didn't do stupid stuff,
Nobody would listen to us.

Everythng is never as it seems

Mom,
You always told me,
You would be their for me.
You told me,
I could talk to you about anything.
You would always help me,
and you would always love me.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this,
I know I'm not the easiest person to be around,
But you said you would always be their for me.

Times have changed,
I'm not allowed to talk to you.
You're not going to be their for me,
You haven't helped me,
Nor ever will.

Mom,
You don't know what is going on with me.
I try to tell you,
but you turn a blind eye.

I have been working on telling you my problums,
for in past years,
I was silent.
Now you refuse me.

Thanks mom.

'Tis the season to be Jolly
apparently my eyes didn't get the memo.

November 15th 2009

~The fallowing work is a conversation with a distant friend, in which I haven't talked to in a few years. What you will read, is her end of the conversation. I wrote this after a panic attack, so it may appear hectic at times, for I minimize editing what I say in poetry. Jade ~

I don't even know you anymore.
You have changed so much.
Since when are you so tall?
Puberty,
When'd that happen?
You're not fat anymore?
Anerexia?
That's not like you.

Your hair?
It was purple?
You used to against changing your hair at all.
It's so straight now.
That's not the girl I know.

Your nails?
They're painted purple.
Just like always.
But your fingers?
Why are they scarred?
Oh.
Um,
Why?
Oh.
That's not the girl I know.

Why are you shaking?
You're numb?
Do you need a blanket?
I have one...
oh.

I see you have contacts.
Why no more glasses?
Oh.
Your teeth are still,
so your still,
oh.
Well your acne is really clearing.
But their only kids,
they couldn't,
oh.

You're so pretty though.
I'm not lying.
Stop putting yourself down.

I get it.
Yes I do.
Just listen!
Stop Shaking!
Here,
have a blanket.
Why are you shaking?
Breethe!
Come on girly!
You can talk to me.
Why are you,

Stop Screaming!
You're not the girl I know,
with the tweety bird overalls.
"Stop acting like some poor,
misunderstood child.
You're not.
So you've had a hard life.
But seriously,
get over yourself.
Like really,
Stop pittying yourself."
That's all you want,
but really,
find something to be depressed about.

You're not the girl I know.
I get that,
But seriously we all have problums.
So get a F*cking life.

Wait,
You're not Christian?
That's why your so screwed up.


~I quoted a friend in this peice of work.
When I originally wrote it November 15th, this quote did not apply.
But it is how ever a quote that haunts me everyday,
and it is used appropriatly in this peice,
and I found it necissary to include it,
for all the pain it has brought.

And yes, I was anerexic, note the word was, I get easily scarred by the simplest things, and am not Christain. Any further clarifications that need to be made clear to you, leave a comment, and I will do my best to respond.

Thanks for reading
~Jade

Quiet the mind. Ease the soul.

Just for the record,
I don't look for pitty.
I never have,
I never will.

Please don't assume,
That I'm a selfish bitch,
I'm really not.

I'm not a misunderstood child,
I try not to appear that way.
I really try not to.

Some good things do happen in my life.
Until I ruin them,
But thats okay.
At leaste I get some happy time.

Although it doesn't come easy.

Please realize,
I'm not just a stick in the mud,
I can have fun,
I can be happy,
Or I can make myself happy.

Please,
Don't judge me,
Don't stereotype me.

I'm not the easiest person to love,
I know that.

I'm insane,
I have frequent crying fits,
Depression,
and many other health issues,

But please realize,
I can be loved.
You just have to work pretty hard.
And mabey I'm worth it,
No,
I'm not.

But you can dicide that on your own.

I'm diffrent.
And yes,
I still find comfort in a teddy bear.

I hate this part

I hate this part,
The night is to dark,
To cold,
To late to leave.

I'm stranded,
miserable, and in pain.

I need to get out of this house,
But I have no where to go,
No one to turn to.

Nobody likes a crying girl,
Expecially when the pain,
that leaves her crying and miserable,
is self inflicted.

No,
She is not bleeding.
She is not physically harmed.
Physical pain does not stay.
Emotional doees not leave.

Just another heart break,
She will get over it,
She always does.

No.
This isn't like other times,
Other times,
it didn't hurt as bad.

She wasn't prepared for this,
This strong of pain.

But your gone now.
She couldn't go back,
even if She wanted to.

Why can't people be more like Teddy Bears?

Teddy Bears,
They may not be real,
But they all you have.
They dry your tears,
When no one else will.
They comfort you,
when the world crashes.

You can squeze them,
Throw them,
punch them,
and they always are their,
no matter what day,
time, or place.

You can take them anywhere,
they never complain.
You can get as many hugs as needed.

Heartbreaks,
Deaths,
Sickness,
Drama,
No matter what,
Teddy Bears are always their.

When your best friend leaves you,
flooding and weeping,
Your always there.

Thank you oh Teddy Bear.
At leaste you won't leave me.

Compromising friends.

You have heard promising words,
time and time again.
I would promise you,
That I will always be here if you need,
That I'm going to be here,
No matter the degree of hate.
But my chances of being beleived are slim,
In comprimise,
I will thank you.

You have been their for me,
You have always been with me.
You have caused so much pain,
But mended the deapest wounds.
With this I thank you.

We have been through so much,
You have helped me,
in ways that nobody,
even I, can't understand.
With this I thank you.

You my friend,
have always been their for me,
From helping me find my way back in First Grade,
To helping me find my way in High school,
You have been their for me,
With this, I thank you.

All of those heartbreaks,
Sleepless nights,
Feeling worthless,
Or nothing at all.
Overcoming life threatening situations.
You were there for me.
With this, I thank you.

I hope I have been as good of friend,
That you have been for me.
Just realize, we all make mistakes.
Some bigger than others,
but mistakes none the less.
Don't worry so much,
With this I thank you.

No matter what,
We can't change what was.
But we can change what will be.
You have taught me this.
With this, I thank you.


Stand out,
Sing out,
Pay out,
Be out.
For if I don't, nobody else will.
With this I thank you.

A bond between two friends,
Is strong.
No matter if they are seperated.
Let's keep our bond strong,
for their are many memories to come.

Ranting and calling

I'll Sacrifice.
I have nothing,
to gain, to lose.
I'll Sacrifice,
I have nothing,
To look forward to.
I'll sacrifce,
Why not?
I have nothing.

I'm alive,
just not living.
You may argue.
You may dissagree.
I know myself better than you.

You may think you know what is best,
I'm a big girl now,
I'm going to go my own way.

You make excusses,
It's your friends,
It's your religion,
It's your activities,
It's never you.

Time for a wake up call,

Your not perfect,
Your not Gods gift to the world.
Hate to burst your bubble,
God doesn't exist.

You make us all miserable.
Leave me alone sometimes.
You lecture me everyday,
on what I do wrong,
and then you praise me.

Leave me alone.
Thats what would help the most.
I just want to be left alone.

When I tell you I don't want to come home,
I have my reasons.
Very rarely is it because I'm having fun.
Sometimes, a night out of the house,
is all I need to get through the day.

When I go for walks,
hours at a time,
and then scarf down food when I get home.
It isn't because I'm hungry,
It's because I'm still over coming anerexia.

I know you dont care,
You say you do.
I'm not as stupid as you think I am.
You're not a good liar.

When I go unconcious,
You aren't their for me.
You haven't taken me to a docter yet.
It has been 17 months.
You said if it happend one more time,
I would go to the hospital.
17 months later,
here I am.

You blame my friends for everything,
I make my own problums.
I know its hard for you.
It must be so hard not having a perfect daughter.
I don't care.
I'm not going to be perfect.
Nor will I ever come close.

Their is so much about me you don't know.
You won't ever know.
I'm not perfect.
You don't want to know my flaws.
If only you saw me,
the way I am.

I would probably get kicked out.
I dont care anymore.
I honestly dont.
Just like you,
I've given up.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'll be okay though.
I can get back on my feet.
You on the other hand,
lay on the couch with them in the air.

And I'm the failure in life?
Really?

Just for the record,
I'm not fat.
I'm a stick.
If you ever have the nerve to call me fat again,
you will get a big wake up call.

Sorry, no princesses here

So theirs this girl,
living her life,

Theirs this boy,
just getting by.

The classic love story,
we've heard it before,

but this time,

Theirs not gonna a happy ending,
She wont that happen,
all she ever wanted was to be happy again,
that won't happen,
she wont let it be,
he loves her,
she wont love him.

So I guess it should end,
neither of them want that,
she just doesn't want to be with him,
he loves her,
Why won't she let it be simple

Theirs not gonna a happy ending,
She wont that happen,
all she ever wanted was to be happy again,
that won't happen,
she won't let it be,
he loves her,
she won't love him.

Will she ever love?
possibly,
but shes to young.
mabey not,
they say,
but she doesn't buy it.
She won't love him,
like she did

Theirs not gonna a happy ending,
She wont that happen,
all she ever wanted was to be happy again,
that won't happen,
she won't let it be,
he loves her,
she won't love him.

She won't love him,
she won't love him,
she won't love him,


Theirs not gonna a happy ending,
She wont that happen,
all she ever wanted was to be happy again,

I'm here, I'm sorry.

I thought I knew
I thought I knew,
just waht I was getting into,
I thought you knew,
I thought you knew,
this wasn't gonna be,
so easy,
I miss you now,
thats what you say,
I know you don't mean it,
come back here now,
thats what you say,
Im not returning anytime soon

so long
so far,
not here
not now,
not then
I want this story to end

So long far well
good night
sweet dreams
it was fun,
but gone now
can't you see
I don't be here
wasting my time

theirs this other boy
better than you
mabey not,
but I have to choose.

I choose you for now,
call your self lucky,
just for now,

I change my mind,
like my clothes,
mabey 3 times,
sometimes 6

I know I make no sence,
thats the way I like it,
I liked you,
thought I loved you,
but I know it has to end.

Oh it has to end.
I know it does.
Why can't it be over,

leave me now.
leave me now,
leave me now,

just don't be gone

Here to break my heart again?

You confuse me so much,
Don't you realize that?
You tell me you like me,
We hang out,
You even got peed on by a frog.
Yet you stay by my side.
With your hugs,
With your words,
Even with your axe,
When I left,
You were their.
You used to be amazing,
We would talk for hours,
flirting up a storm.
But now you have a girl friend,
Who's not me.
Those many hours we spent talking,
Those sleepless nights,
Just thinking.
The so many times,
That you made me cry.
The many times that you repared,
What you just broke.
I knew you'd fall for the first blonde in a skirt.
Yet I hoped,
You had changed,
But you haden't.
So now we talk.
Like nothing is up,
But everytime I see your message,
I think,
Is this really worth it.
And everytime I see your message,
I wait a little,
then reply,
Just as that blonde in a skirt would
.How could he be so stupid,
He doesn't reallize all he's missing.
If he dares to think of breaking me again,
He will get a full blast of crazy.
Oh look.
A message.
From who?
Mr. Heart Break.

Am I really that sorry?

You love me so,
You cared for me,
You were their for me,
You were amazing.
I wasn't dedicated,
I never cared.
I lied to you.
I'm sorry.
Where do we stand?
This was my fault,
So I didn't stick around.
Its for your own good.
I'm sorry.
I never wanted to go down this way.
I never wanted you to hurt this bad.
But now your crying in the rain
and I'm not their for you,
I will never be their for you.
It wasn't ment to be,
We are to young,
I'm so sorry.
But when you see my face,
You'll see a smile.
You'll never break my mask,
But I broke yours,
I'm so sorry.

The burn of a thousand fires

Why are you doing this to me?
You through me up,
But forgett to catch me.
Why do you keep forgetting?
Do you remember me at all?
I've been here all along.
Let me shine.
Everytime I see you,
I see a new part of you.
And everytime yoou see me,
You fall for this,
this,
Creature.
Why dont you remember me any more?
I never left,
I never hurt you,
anymore than you have hurt me.
Why am I still crying?
Were youreally that terrible?
You never ment to hurt me.
I promised you the world.
Yet you insist,
On forgetting.
Why?
You never liked me,
Did you?

I miss you.

I miss calling you daddy,
I miss saying goodnight,
I miss how you were,

Daddy,
When they ruined your life,
they ruined mine too.

Why Daddy?
Why did you do that?
You could have said no.

When you did that,
you didn't realize how much I would miss you,

Daddy,
You missed so much of my life.
Why Daddy?

Daddy,
You aren't the same.
The daddy I know would have been their for me,
cheering me on.
Not at home, sleeping.

Daddy,
Why aren't you their for me now?
The daddy I know would have taken to me to a doctor.
He would have done anything,
to get me what I needed.

The Daddy I know,
Would call us a family,
but if the Daddy I have now said that,
he would be lying.

Daddy,
Why do you have to fight with Mommy?

Daddy,
What did I do?
Did I dissapoint you?
Why do you have to be so mean?

I miss calling you Daddy,
without getting the responce,
"How much will it cost?"

Daddy,
Please Daddy,
just come home.

Daddy,
Get rid of this monster,
that took your spot.

Daddy,
I miss you

More than you could imagine

I'm invisible,
to my surroundings,
to my world,
to my life.

I'm invisible,
to my friends,
to my family,
to my self.

I'm invisible,
No matter what I do,
When I do it,
How I do it.

I'm invisible,
when I cry,
when I try,
when I bleed.

But then you came along.

Your world saw me,
and understood me.

You saw me,
when no one else had.

You noticed,
the way I walked, spoke, and listened.

You dried my tears,
offered me hope,
made me smile.

So with this,
I thank you.

You have done,
for me,
that innocent,
little piece of nothing,
more than you could imagine.